1 00:00:02,400 --> 00:00:04,607 NARRATOR: For centuries, life's big questions 2 00:00:04,680 --> 00:00:07,445 challenged the same the greatest minds in the world. 3 00:00:08,600 --> 00:00:11,729 The need for love, for marriage and lifelong commitment. 4 00:00:11,800 --> 00:00:15,885 The desire to reproduce and survival of the human race. 5 00:00:15,960 --> 00:00:20,363 Searching for a vocation, the desire to find happiness 6 00:00:20,720 --> 00:00:23,087 -and the inevitable end with death. -(RING BELLS) 7 00:00:24,920 --> 00:00:29,130 But Karl Pilkington didn't give a second thought to any of these issues. 8 00:00:29,200 --> 00:00:31,771 This cat has crossed eyes. I have never seen this before. 9 00:00:32,480 --> 00:00:35,370 NARRATOR: Now he turned 40, he thinks it's time to do it. 10 00:00:35,440 --> 00:00:36,646 (BURPS) 11 00:00:37,040 --> 00:00:38,804 He travels around the world to see 12 00:00:38,880 --> 00:00:42,202 how others are doing with the great questions of life. 13 00:00:43,440 --> 00:00:46,330 KARL: We had the Iron Age, the stone age. 14 00:00:46,400 --> 00:00:48,004 This is the age of pissing-about. 15 00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:50,765 NARRATOR: And let's see if the problems they are such a big deal anyway. 16 00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,569 KARL: just because two people we love each other 17 00:00:52,640 --> 00:00:55,120 and pull other people into it. Move on with this situation. 18 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:59,681 NARRATOR: In this episode, Karl wants to know why people have children. 19 00:00:59,840 --> 00:01:01,285 KARL: Little sloths at home. 20 00:01:01,360 --> 00:01:03,647 Calling Childline from you ask them to put the kettle on. 21 00:01:05,480 --> 00:01:07,323 NARRATOR: If she can have children. 22 00:01:07,920 --> 00:01:11,322 How much are you meant to release? Goes up to 100ml. 23 00:01:12,440 --> 00:01:14,442 NARRATOR: And what it's like to be a parent. 24 00:01:14,640 --> 00:01:17,166 (crying) 25 00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:18,287 shh 26 00:01:18,480 --> 00:01:20,847 NARRATOR: This is the Meaning of Life. 27 00:01:21,160 --> 00:01:22,491 KARL: It's like, who is the mental one here? 28 00:01:22,560 --> 00:01:25,803 Is it me or everyone else? 29 00:01:32,000 --> 00:01:34,924 You have to be a certain type of the person to be a good parent. 30 00:01:35,160 --> 00:01:36,764 And I don't think I'm cut out for it. 31 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:40,248 You know, I'm happy with the way things are i am I think I'm afraid to change. 32 00:01:40,920 --> 00:01:42,649 And then you bring something else. 33 00:01:42,720 --> 00:01:44,563 There might be people watching, saying "Oh, that's very sad, 34 00:01:44,640 --> 00:01:46,802 "get lost there" but you know... 35 00:01:46,880 --> 00:01:49,326 Like, when people say that, "It's changing my life..." 36 00:01:49,840 --> 00:01:52,002 Well, that's not necessarily the case means a good thing, doesn't it? 37 00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,766 take off one of my legs this will change my life. 38 00:01:55,400 --> 00:01:57,607 We don't lack people, so you don't have to worry. 39 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:01,004 It's not like, “Karl, you have to save the human race, have a child.” 40 00:02:01,400 --> 00:02:03,641 There are a lot of them out there, cannot move for them. 41 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:11,074 Watch any video online with Open-SUBTITLES Free browser extension: osdb.link/ext 42 00:02:23,240 --> 00:02:24,321 (knocking on the door) 43 00:02:24,920 --> 00:02:27,287 RICHARD: Karl, you're ready to go to the festival? 44 00:02:28,040 --> 00:02:31,203 Come in. I didn't sleep much. 45 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:33,161 RICHARD: How is it done? 46 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:37,201 Because of this. 47 00:02:38,040 --> 00:02:40,486 I bought a turtle. [I just bought it. 48 00:02:40,640 --> 00:02:42,244 RICHARD: You can't buy turtles. 49 00:02:42,320 --> 00:02:44,482 I know, but it was there. I didn't pass by a pet store and go, 50 00:02:44,560 --> 00:02:45,800 "Oh, I like a turtle." 51 00:02:45,880 --> 00:02:47,564 He was outside a restaurant, ready to eat. 52 00:02:48,240 --> 00:02:51,403 And I felt a little sick when I saw it eye and it was just a kind of scratch 53 00:02:51,480 --> 00:02:54,450 in the plastic box. And it just bothered me. 54 00:02:54,640 --> 00:02:56,688 RICHARD: You took him in a bath, you can't keep it like this! 55 00:02:56,760 --> 00:02:58,250 KARL: Don't go in, do it. 56 00:02:58,320 --> 00:02:59,685 That has passed through my head all night. 57 00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,641 I kept worrying about it, I kept hearing about it noises and what have you. 58 00:03:02,720 --> 00:03:04,484 I came here about at half past one, at two 59 00:03:04,560 --> 00:03:06,847 checking that he hadn't strangled himself itself on the socket chain. 60 00:03:07,200 --> 00:03:10,010 I sat there looking at him thinking "Is he breathing?" 61 00:03:10,800 --> 00:03:12,404 But that's what I would be to do with a child. 62 00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:13,970 I would have gone in, beating her all night. 63 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:15,400 Because I would be on my head. 64 00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,482 In a way, it's a testament to me 65 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:19,684 that I wouldn't be good with children. 66 00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,167 Because I couldn't, in a way, be at ease. 67 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,891 I would be worried, so be it it bothers me "What is he doing now?" 68 00:03:26,680 --> 00:03:28,205 RICHARD: Do you have a name for it? 69 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:29,681 Tony. 70 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:34,001 Tony the turtle. it just seemed to roll off the tongue. 71 00:03:36,280 --> 00:03:37,520 I'm annoyed with myself. 72 00:03:38,320 --> 00:03:40,004 You shouldn't interfere, should, really? 73 00:03:40,120 --> 00:03:42,487 If I hadn't even gone down that street, I wouldn't have seen it, 74 00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:43,721 and would be gone by now. 75 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:46,201 It would have been fried, a bit of wasabi on the head, 76 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:47,441 someone would have eaten it. 77 00:03:48,360 --> 00:03:50,203 I don't know. I don't know what I'm meant to do. 78 00:03:51,200 --> 00:03:53,567 RICHARD: You will i have to deal with it later karl 79 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:54,880 because we have to go to the festival. 80 00:03:55,240 --> 00:03:57,049 KARL: Put it on Sign "Do Not Disturb" on the door. 81 00:03:57,160 --> 00:03:58,491 You are not meant to have pets here. 82 00:04:14,480 --> 00:04:15,811 KARL: The world has gone mental. 83 00:04:16,800 --> 00:04:19,849 There's a guy right at the entrance there with a button on his head. 84 00:04:19,920 --> 00:04:22,730 It just looked like a small rent Doctor Who character. 85 00:04:23,080 --> 00:04:25,811 KARL: They were standing in line, wanting a picture taken with him. 86 00:04:25,880 --> 00:04:27,723 Button on his head, holding some sort of red button here. 87 00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,080 People laughing and all that. 88 00:04:29,160 --> 00:04:31,128 New, where I grew up, it was a guy called Mad John. 89 00:04:31,200 --> 00:04:33,646 We used to get on the 261 bus and stand back and remove his penis. 90 00:04:33,720 --> 00:04:35,848 People didn't laugh, taking pictures with him. 91 00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:38,209 He was cast aside because he was a fool. 92 00:04:39,880 --> 00:04:41,041 KARL: He would be a star here. 93 00:04:45,520 --> 00:04:48,330 I don't really understand, I don't know what am i meant to get out of this. 94 00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,323 I don't know if I'm a bastard 95 00:04:50,760 --> 00:04:52,125 but everyone else loves him. 96 00:04:52,520 --> 00:04:54,727 RICHARD: I just am celebrating the gift of life. 97 00:04:54,880 --> 00:04:57,884 But you celebrate life enjoying your life. 98 00:04:58,080 --> 00:04:59,889 You don't have to walk with a rooster on his head. 99 00:05:01,160 --> 00:05:05,051 And that bit isn't really that important in the grand scheme of things, right? 100 00:05:05,520 --> 00:05:07,682 Bollocks are the ones doing the hard work. 101 00:05:08,200 --> 00:05:10,487 This is the important part. It's always the way, isn't it? 102 00:05:10,560 --> 00:05:13,166 The things that do the hard work never get credit in life. 103 00:05:13,280 --> 00:05:14,327 Everyone should walk 104 00:05:14,400 --> 00:05:15,925 with ice on the head, if we do it. 105 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:21,880 KARL: I'm dating a woman named Hai. 106 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:24,687 He wants to show me what you know, that's what it's all about. 107 00:05:25,040 --> 00:05:27,361 Come on? Hi Come on! 108 00:05:27,440 --> 00:05:28,680 - Hello! - I'm Karl, nice to see you. 109 00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:34,882 KARL: So what do you want then, do you want a boy or a girl? 110 00:05:36,800 --> 00:05:39,167 KARL: Oh, so you want more than one? 111 00:05:39,240 --> 00:05:42,642 KARL: Yes... I don't want children. 112 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,563 I just never liked it. 113 00:05:46,560 --> 00:05:48,528 I don't know, we're just not bothered. 114 00:05:48,600 --> 00:05:51,331 I didn't try, it's not like that “Okay, tonight, we're going to go for it 115 00:05:51,400 --> 00:05:54,085 "hammer and tongs and we want to create a child.” 116 00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,887 I'm going in, this. The crowds. 117 00:05:58,680 --> 00:05:59,761 It's funny because she wants a baby. 118 00:05:59,840 --> 00:06:01,649 We're pushed so close to each other, he might get one. 119 00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:04,281 If you want children, stay at home. Take her away. 120 00:06:05,440 --> 00:06:06,601 It won't happen here, will it? 121 00:06:07,280 --> 00:06:09,044 They carry the handle, yes? 122 00:06:14,080 --> 00:06:15,320 Yeah, it's... Damn. 123 00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:19,087 KARL: Everyone does their own thing here. 124 00:06:19,280 --> 00:06:20,406 Who is in charge? 125 00:06:28,800 --> 00:06:30,245 And how far do we go with it? 126 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,084 RICHARD: I think it is to the mall and back. 127 00:06:32,600 --> 00:06:34,329 Why are we taking this to stores? 128 00:06:37,560 --> 00:06:38,721 I'm fed up. 129 00:06:39,080 --> 00:06:42,482 I almost got electrocuted, au electric wires running through the streets, 130 00:06:42,600 --> 00:06:45,171 pushing her up and down. What a way to go. 131 00:06:46,160 --> 00:06:47,571 Electrified by a button. 132 00:06:59,880 --> 00:07:02,281 KARL: Are you working at the moment? like, do you have a job? 133 00:07:04,160 --> 00:07:06,083 So you should stop this, however, if you had a child? 134 00:07:08,840 --> 00:07:11,605 Are you sure though? you will be up all night changing diapers. 135 00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:15,366 You can't spend money on art things, you have to spend it on the child. 136 00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:18,850 There will be no more holidays, you won't be able to go out the same. 137 00:07:19,120 --> 00:07:21,168 You can't choose which kind a child you will have. 138 00:07:22,360 --> 00:07:24,931 You might have a baby, and it might be a little shit, 139 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:26,889 do you know what i'm saying? There might be a lot of problems. 140 00:07:26,960 --> 00:07:29,850 For me, that's a gamble which I don't want to take. 141 00:07:32,080 --> 00:07:33,161 KARL: Yes. 142 00:07:35,880 --> 00:07:37,564 KARL: So what is it about? 143 00:07:41,240 --> 00:07:43,129 KARL: Hi, baby. What do they say? 144 00:07:43,200 --> 00:07:44,964 What have others noted? 145 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:51,811 KARL: Everyone wants a healthy baby. 146 00:07:59,880 --> 00:08:01,245 I mean, you don't feel like you have to 147 00:08:01,320 --> 00:08:03,687 write one down if you I don't know what you want... 148 00:08:03,760 --> 00:08:04,886 Hmm... 149 00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,883 Don't do it because you're not sure are you 150 00:08:13,240 --> 00:08:15,402 RICHARD: You just said it to have a child there. 151 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:19,531 I don't want to convince her whatever, i just got it 152 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:21,090 it's a big decision. 153 00:08:21,240 --> 00:08:23,641 People never think about it. 154 00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,168 I wish for things and think, "Yes, that's the answer" 155 00:08:26,360 --> 00:08:27,725 when they really don't know. 156 00:08:27,800 --> 00:08:29,165 "I would like to have a child." 157 00:08:29,240 --> 00:08:32,449 Well, I'll tell you what, if you want you have a child and you have a child 158 00:08:32,520 --> 00:08:35,922 and keeps you up all night, you'll want cam again 159 00:08:36,040 --> 00:08:38,122 3:00 in the morning, you will want him to go to bed. 160 00:08:38,200 --> 00:08:41,921 - I wish she would stop crying. "I wish he would stop toiling on the couch." 161 00:08:42,080 --> 00:08:43,844 You will want much more once you have given birth to a child. 162 00:08:47,840 --> 00:08:50,127 KARL: Good. This is a good answer. 163 00:08:50,200 --> 00:08:52,328 - This is the best here. -HA[: Uh-huh. 164 00:09:05,840 --> 00:09:06,921 RICHARD: How's Tony? 165 00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:10,450 KARL: Yeah, that's good. Quiet. 166 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:16,004 It pisses through the mouth. That's what it says here. 167 00:09:16,440 --> 00:09:18,363 RICHARD: About everything how do you take care of them? 168 00:09:19,880 --> 00:09:21,325 It's more about how to cook them. 169 00:09:23,280 --> 00:09:25,726 Makes you wonder, doesn't it? How they eat shit here. 170 00:09:25,960 --> 00:09:28,884 He destroyed a meteorite dinosaurs or what? 171 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:32,206 Or these many here, chewing them. 172 00:09:33,520 --> 00:09:34,931 I shouldn't have gotten involved. 173 00:09:35,800 --> 00:09:39,964 I wonder if the number of people who children have them by accident, 174 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,250 and I'm just suddenly in your life, and so it is. 175 00:09:44,640 --> 00:09:46,324 I didn't think it would be so much a headache. 176 00:09:48,320 --> 00:09:50,368 I called the aquariums, they are not interested. 177 00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:53,491 I called the preservation thing, they are not disturbed, 178 00:09:53,560 --> 00:09:54,686 because they are not endangered. 179 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,409 RICHARD: You are sure should we do this? 180 00:09:58,640 --> 00:09:59,971 KARL: Well, what are the other options? 181 00:10:00,320 --> 00:10:01,367 We could take it back to the restaurant... 182 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,329 No, no, I'm not taking it back. 183 00:10:03,960 --> 00:10:06,486 We also went through long now to return. 184 00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:08,760 We will release him. 185 00:10:18,160 --> 00:10:20,970 I spent quite a bit of time trying to find somewhere for her. 186 00:10:21,600 --> 00:10:23,090 I think that's pretty good. 187 00:10:23,160 --> 00:10:26,926 Fresh water, shaley, that is what he said on the internet. 188 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,327 Oh damn... Don't let him bite me now after everything we've been through. 189 00:10:32,720 --> 00:10:35,644 Come on. You have to go outside. 190 00:10:38,200 --> 00:10:40,521 It's fresh water, so he he should be quite happy. 191 00:10:41,080 --> 00:10:43,048 There you are! look at this he likes it, doesn't he? 192 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,561 Look at that, that's it what to do 193 00:10:44,640 --> 00:10:46,130 they are meant to pass. 194 00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,646 He is very happy. 195 00:10:50,880 --> 00:10:52,325 I hope he's happy, anyway. 196 00:10:52,440 --> 00:10:55,205 He was probably thinking, "Twelve hours ago, [was in a three-star hotel." 197 00:10:57,280 --> 00:10:59,408 This is the fastest moved right? 198 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:31,048 KARL: If it's kind of funny for everyone asking: "Do you have children?" 199 00:11:31,160 --> 00:11:33,527 "Oh, you lose" and all the rest of her. I might not make it. 200 00:11:34,440 --> 00:11:37,364 I don't know what state there is sperm in me. 201 00:11:37,880 --> 00:11:41,202 No idea. So that's it what will i do today 202 00:11:41,560 --> 00:11:43,130 Do a sperm check on me. 203 00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:45,286 See what state it is in. 204 00:11:45,640 --> 00:11:48,371 I might have shitty cum i can't have a child 205 00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:52,480 Or maybe it's good maybe just put a line under it. 206 00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:55,530 So when people say, “You're not having children?" I can say, "Ah, I can't." 207 00:11:55,960 --> 00:11:57,041 - Sperm is not good. 208 00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:01,250 I'm very surprised that I, in a way, won the race to the egg, 209 00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,801 how Fm net a good swimmer, I just don't get it. 210 00:12:04,040 --> 00:12:07,089 Because in my head, if I was back inside there now and I was in a rush 211 00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:10,084 with that lot, I'd say, “Forget it. Let them go first. 212 00:12:10,160 --> 00:12:11,366 "I'll stay behind." 213 00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:12,811 Smells funny, doesn't it? 214 00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:14,971 So I don't know what happened there, 215 00:12:15,040 --> 00:12:17,327 I don't know if other sperm they pushed and pushed 216 00:12:17,720 --> 00:12:20,246 or I woke up early that day and just happened to knock around 217 00:12:20,320 --> 00:12:23,608 kind, the exit button, and I was the first out. 218 00:12:24,640 --> 00:12:25,687 - Hello. - Hello. 219 00:12:25,760 --> 00:12:27,205 how are you 220 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:28,645 Yes, I'm Karl. 221 00:12:28,720 --> 00:12:29,801 I'm glad to see you. 222 00:12:47,120 --> 00:12:49,407 Everything? 223 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,926 As much as I can... I don't know where it will end up. 224 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:54,647 Yes, yes, just once. Definitely. 225 00:12:58,480 --> 00:13:00,403 Really tight cap. 226 00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:04,687 (WOMAN SHOT) 227 00:13:08,040 --> 00:13:09,485 Yes, good then. 228 00:13:11,400 --> 00:13:12,401 (SCALE CONTINUES) 229 00:13:12,880 --> 00:13:13,961 is that ok Please. 230 00:13:14,040 --> 00:13:16,327 - All right. See you soon then. - Okay. 231 00:13:17,440 --> 00:13:19,568 KARL: Wait, just leave me alone turn that off, it's a rocket. 232 00:13:19,640 --> 00:13:21,483 Jesus, she's headfirst into me. 233 00:13:23,000 --> 00:13:25,048 I did no such thing before, it's a little weird. 234 00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,406 It's a little pressure. 235 00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:29,241 If you ask me to burp on request, I fight. 236 00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:30,885 So now asking me to do this, 237 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:33,645 knowing you're waiting knowing that he is waiting 238 00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,645 it's not that relaxing. 239 00:13:36,520 --> 00:13:39,000 I mean people obviously get a little bit go here, look at this. 240 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:43,321 Jesus. how much does it cost did you want to release? 241 00:13:43,400 --> 00:13:45,562 Goes up to 100ml. 242 00:13:46,280 --> 00:13:48,044 Is this a rude magazine? 243 00:13:48,640 --> 00:13:50,005 There is nothing rude about it. 244 00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:51,805 who are they 245 00:13:53,440 --> 00:13:55,044 It's like a crossword book, this. 246 00:13:55,880 --> 00:13:57,644 Computers, microwave oven. 247 00:13:57,920 --> 00:13:59,445 Sudokus. 248 00:14:00,000 --> 00:14:01,889 There is a competition here to win a PS3. 249 00:14:02,640 --> 00:14:04,642 Well, it must be the DVD then, isn't it? 250 00:14:06,040 --> 00:14:07,201 (CLOSING DOORS) 251 00:14:07,680 --> 00:14:08,806 (Opening the farm) 252 00:14:18,760 --> 00:14:20,922 RICHARD: Karl? are you ok there 253 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,525 KARL: Wait. Give us five more minutes. 254 00:14:31,080 --> 00:14:33,845 (KARL FLUIER) 255 00:14:39,400 --> 00:14:40,401 (Expire) 256 00:14:40,760 --> 00:14:42,091 - RICHARD: Success? - Huh? 257 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,969 Yes, it was good. I don't know what's going on there but... 258 00:14:46,960 --> 00:14:49,486 yeah i'm bummed It's all right, that. 259 00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:54,088 See if it was to give blood as good as possible, I would do it every week. 260 00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,010 Hello? Doctor? 261 00:14:57,240 --> 00:14:58,924 - Do(.TOR: Yes. -Doc... 262 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,241 Yes, there are no loads, but I think there are enough of them. 263 00:15:01,320 --> 00:15:02,685 DOCTOR: That's okay. 264 00:15:03,320 --> 00:15:05,561 Could you put that back? 265 00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,441 Good. 266 00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:12,761 And this is definitely mine? Not someone else's. 267 00:15:32,520 --> 00:15:34,090 Oh, 42 million sperm. 268 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:37,961 Damn, that's a lot, isn't it? 269 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,210 KARL: I'm not used to receiving good test scores. 270 00:15:48,320 --> 00:15:51,403 So sperm seems to be, you know, 271 00:15:52,440 --> 00:15:53,805 pretty good stuff. 272 00:16:02,760 --> 00:16:04,922 The only fault, he said, 273 00:16:05,440 --> 00:16:08,125 it was the way he moved. 274 00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:13,202 It's everywhere, isn't it? 275 00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:18,650 So mine is slightly below average? 276 00:16:18,840 --> 00:16:20,604 Because they don't know where are they going 277 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:23,923 Even if it's not, like, a suitable child or whatever, 278 00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:27,163 that sperm has mine kind of, features, 279 00:16:27,360 --> 00:16:31,331 the way it moves, it gets a little lost, a bit like 'What's down here? 280 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,761 "Oh, I don't know. What's there? Let's go a little like that." 281 00:16:33,840 --> 00:16:35,080 You know what I mean? 282 00:16:35,440 --> 00:16:36,771 But this is me. 283 00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,964 You know, if I go somewhere, I don't go the direct route kind of way. 284 00:16:40,200 --> 00:16:41,929 Take the beautiful route, take your time, what's the hurry 285 00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:48,083 Yes. This is crazy! 286 00:16:48,160 --> 00:16:49,924 - Yes! (LAUGHING) - That one over there. 287 00:16:50,920 --> 00:16:52,285 you know how like most guys have kids 288 00:16:52,360 --> 00:16:53,600 they have a small picture in the wallet. 289 00:16:53,680 --> 00:16:54,841 We'd better have one. 290 00:16:55,480 --> 00:16:59,451 A small picture in my wallet Of all the little sperm, this is mine, 291 00:16:59,520 --> 00:17:00,931 so when people leave - Do you have children? 292 00:17:01,000 --> 00:17:02,764 go like this "No, but here you are." 293 00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:19,723 KARL: I didn't change my mind, that. Don't think, “Oh, I struggled 294 00:17:19,800 --> 00:17:21,962 "From seeing a bit of sperm whizzing around the screen.” 295 00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,771 I mean, just because I have good sperm, it does not mean 296 00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:26,968 I'd be a good father, wouldn't I? 297 00:17:27,800 --> 00:17:29,643 They are two totally different things. 298 00:17:29,760 --> 00:17:33,003 A bunch of people driving permits, but they are crap at driving. 299 00:17:33,560 --> 00:17:36,086 KARL: So where is the rest? can i have this 300 00:17:37,680 --> 00:17:39,808 KARL: It is definitely eliminated, is it definitely gone? 301 00:17:41,480 --> 00:17:43,687 KARL: All right. just making sure I don't want anyone else 302 00:17:43,760 --> 00:17:45,285 having a little Pilkington running. 303 00:18:08,240 --> 00:18:10,163 KARL: With the old shoes, here. 304 00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,401 Our focus here is natural birth, of course. 305 00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,642 We sing to the babies as they come into the world 306 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:18,290 because we recognize that it is 307 00:18:18,360 --> 00:18:21,443 not just a medical experience, it is also a miracle. 308 00:18:22,080 --> 00:18:24,845 So we like to say hello babies as souls. 309 00:18:25,280 --> 00:18:27,567 Children being born without birth trauma 310 00:18:28,120 --> 00:18:32,489 they have an intact capacity to love and trust, which is really important. 311 00:18:33,080 --> 00:18:37,369 There is this theory that you can have a orgasmic birth and I saw women, 312 00:18:37,440 --> 00:18:40,808 their birth is certainly an orgasmic experience. 313 00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:41,927 (KARL laughing) 314 00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:46,767 Yes. If you listen to his sounds birth, may sound very orgasmic. 315 00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:48,650 You are on the phone 2417. 316 00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:50,285 (KARL BREATHING deeply) Okay. 317 00:18:50,360 --> 00:18:52,283 - All right? Can you handle this? - Yes, yes. 318 00:18:52,360 --> 00:18:54,044 Good, because the babies are coming when i'm ready 319 00:18:54,160 --> 00:18:56,970 Right now, it's quiet, but one can go crazy here. 320 00:18:58,480 --> 00:19:01,165 (KARL FLUIER) 321 00:19:05,280 --> 00:19:07,282 just waiting Call in progress. 322 00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:09,968 Doing small jobs around the place. I don't mind. 323 00:19:10,040 --> 00:19:11,804 It's better than sitting around doing nothing. 324 00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:15,609 You know, if we get a call, go and help. 325 00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:17,525 I mean, sometimes women 326 00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,568 they ask for strange things, don't they? when are they pregnant? 327 00:19:19,960 --> 00:19:23,567 I have heard of women who to lick bricks, or 328 00:19:23,680 --> 00:19:26,524 eating pencils and stuff. They come with some weird shit. 329 00:19:26,760 --> 00:19:28,330 And they say, "Oh, it's the imbalance in the body." 330 00:19:28,400 --> 00:19:29,890 It's not, I just am pushing their luck. 331 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:31,926 start to mess up 332 00:19:32,000 --> 00:19:34,446 I'm sending you for road cones or something to lick them. 333 00:19:34,800 --> 00:19:37,610 “Yes, I'll get you water. I'll wipe your head with a flannel. 334 00:19:38,120 --> 00:19:39,565 "Don't make me angry." 335 00:19:44,600 --> 00:19:46,204 KARL: They said something about can help 336 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:48,282 a young couple who just had a baby. 337 00:19:48,360 --> 00:19:50,328 And they don't have anytime for themselves. 338 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,643 So I could go over there or something and give them a helping hand. 339 00:19:54,400 --> 00:19:55,640 I wonder how it will go. 340 00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:56,886 Is it yours? 341 00:19:57,680 --> 00:19:59,603 You had a go on one of these before? 342 00:20:01,920 --> 00:20:03,206 RICHARD: Did you do a lot of babysitting? 343 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,283 No, I haven't. I didn't really care. 344 00:20:07,920 --> 00:20:10,321 Because I wouldn't know what to do if something goes wrong. 345 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:12,411 As if I were in a rental car. 346 00:20:13,240 --> 00:20:16,961 You know, I have my own car, I do, I hit him, it doesn't matter. 347 00:20:17,080 --> 00:20:20,323 You have a rental car, suddenly you are aside, and so it is. 348 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:22,051 He's a little kid for rent. 349 00:20:22,560 --> 00:20:25,040 And it's in my hands, I am responsible for this. 350 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,444 I have a heavy head. Very heavy head. 351 00:20:34,640 --> 00:20:38,406 Oh, look at her face. Hey, don't start crying now. 352 00:20:38,720 --> 00:20:42,361 (THE BABY IS CRYING LOUDLY) 353 00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:44,001 All right. 354 00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:46,969 When was the last time he pooped? 355 00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:49,205 - Yesterday? - Yes. 356 00:20:49,840 --> 00:20:50,887 So is he owed one? 357 00:20:50,960 --> 00:20:52,371 Yay! 358 00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:01,567 Wave. 359 00:21:02,760 --> 00:21:04,888 He doesn't even look back. 360 00:21:04,960 --> 00:21:06,769 I mean, don't they? know me from Adam. 361 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:10,087 (crying) 362 00:21:11,120 --> 00:21:12,406 what about this 363 00:21:13,440 --> 00:21:15,044 What? why are you crying 364 00:21:16,040 --> 00:21:17,963 Look, there's no point in crying. 365 00:21:18,040 --> 00:21:20,247 (CRYING LOUDER) 366 00:21:21,040 --> 00:21:22,565 KARL: Shh... Hey! 367 00:21:23,080 --> 00:21:25,651 Come on, look at some chicks. 368 00:21:26,120 --> 00:21:27,610 There's a chicken over there. 369 00:21:28,480 --> 00:21:30,289 Do you see this? Huh? 370 00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:32,290 Chickens in your garden. 371 00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:34,366 Take eggs from them. 372 00:21:35,400 --> 00:21:37,880 You don't know what an egg is, so there's no point in telling you this. 373 00:21:37,960 --> 00:21:40,440 You know nothing, you just know nothing. 374 00:21:41,600 --> 00:21:43,329 i couldn't be mad being a child again. 375 00:21:43,400 --> 00:21:45,641 When you think about the amount of things you need to learn. 376 00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,331 It's not one yet. 377 00:21:48,720 --> 00:21:50,882 All the shits must goes through his life. 378 00:21:51,280 --> 00:21:52,441 That's the thing, isn't it? 379 00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:54,930 If she hadn't been born, it would be the world 380 00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,809 for better or worse do you know what i'm saying? 381 00:21:57,480 --> 00:22:00,006 She really isn't needed. He's a pretty cute kid. 382 00:22:00,560 --> 00:22:02,483 Aw, shh-shh-shh. 383 00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:04,609 The thing is that everything else insects and animals, 384 00:22:04,760 --> 00:22:05,841 they have a purpose. 385 00:22:06,160 --> 00:22:08,640 As soon as they are born, they have a job. We don't know what we're here for. 386 00:22:10,080 --> 00:22:11,161 what about this 387 00:22:12,080 --> 00:22:14,048 It's just that we all wander, doing stupid things 388 00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:15,406 killing time until we die. 389 00:22:15,640 --> 00:22:17,290 That's why the Frisbee was invented. 390 00:22:17,600 --> 00:22:18,965 Something to guess about. "What are you doing?" 391 00:22:19,040 --> 00:22:20,201 - I don't know. "Do you want a game of Frisbee?" 392 00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:22,767 Shh. shut up shh shh Shh. 393 00:22:23,840 --> 00:22:24,887 RICHARD: You'll have to stimulate her. 394 00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:26,769 KARL: Yes, I stimulate it. I show him a chicken. 395 00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:29,766 Look, there's some bamboo. Something else you don't know about. 396 00:22:29,840 --> 00:22:30,966 There is a breeze block. 397 00:22:32,120 --> 00:22:33,929 There is nothing here to stimulate her. 398 00:22:34,040 --> 00:22:36,327 -(BOTTOM BABIES) -(KARL moaning) 399 00:22:40,000 --> 00:22:41,047 Shhh! 400 00:22:41,960 --> 00:22:44,247 Yeah, definitely not i want one richard Categorical. 401 00:22:45,120 --> 00:22:46,326 Categorical. We can leave now. 402 00:22:46,680 --> 00:22:47,761 It has been confirmed. 403 00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:49,524 I have a brilliant jizz I don't want any. 404 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:53,647 What's going on in your head? What happened? 405 00:22:53,720 --> 00:22:55,131 (crying) 406 00:22:55,800 --> 00:22:57,962 (KARL blowing raspberries) 407 00:23:01,280 --> 00:23:02,361 Woah! 408 00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:03,481 (MUGGLING) 409 00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:04,921 Pig. (MAKING SOUNDS) 410 00:23:05,240 --> 00:23:06,287 (SHISHING) 411 00:23:06,360 --> 00:23:07,930 Look, breeze. 412 00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,888 Well, well, black sheep, do you have wool? 413 00:23:14,160 --> 00:23:16,003 do you have Yes, I have a lot. 414 00:23:16,360 --> 00:23:18,522 Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. What happened? 415 00:23:18,760 --> 00:23:19,841 (CRYING CONTINUES) 416 00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:23,244 He's going to get tired in a minute, isn't he? It definitely gets tiring in a minute. 417 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:24,641 (CRYING CONTINUES) 418 00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:31,121 (SHISHING) 419 00:23:31,920 --> 00:23:33,922 Hey, hey. what do you want 420 00:23:35,400 --> 00:23:37,926 I'm fed up. Fed up with this. Get over them. Bring them back. 421 00:23:39,920 --> 00:23:41,763 yes i can't handle it I'm sorry. 422 00:23:42,160 --> 00:23:43,286 It stresses me out. 423 00:23:45,280 --> 00:23:46,805 Yeah, go monkey here. 424 00:23:47,000 --> 00:23:48,081 - Yes. -(THE BABY DOESN'T CRY) 425 00:23:48,160 --> 00:23:49,571 Look at this! As soon as you enter! 426 00:23:50,080 --> 00:23:51,969 - Did you see this? -(LAUGHS) 427 00:23:53,520 --> 00:23:57,161 KARL: Typical. little rascal, he knew exactly what he was doing. 428 00:24:00,000 --> 00:24:03,004 I think I can feel it, can't I? when you're pissed about something. 429 00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,768 I think they know that person who laid hold of them 430 00:24:05,840 --> 00:24:07,205 I have no idea what I'm doing. 431 00:24:07,880 --> 00:24:11,043 And then they release him. They release stress. 432 00:24:11,280 --> 00:24:13,567 Which then stressed me out even more, so I'm more and more stressed, 433 00:24:13,640 --> 00:24:15,483 so he becomes more stressed. 434 00:24:16,560 --> 00:24:18,164 We can't be fathers, can we? 435 00:24:18,480 --> 00:24:19,527 I have other skills. 436 00:24:21,040 --> 00:24:22,087 RICHARD: Well, what other skills? 437 00:24:24,080 --> 00:24:25,844 Thing. Stuff around the house and stuff. 438 00:24:26,200 --> 00:24:28,441 They do nothing. Nothing is repaired or painted. 439 00:24:29,040 --> 00:24:30,610 That bedroom I was in, looks like a new extension. 440 00:24:30,680 --> 00:24:34,082 The ceiling has not been painted. Problem that one? I have a child around the house. 441 00:24:34,160 --> 00:24:36,003 You can't do anything without it it goes off at any time. 442 00:24:36,880 --> 00:24:39,326 See the problem is I'm leaving too early, aren't I? 443 00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:42,804 You somehow have children as they say they are premature. All are premature. 444 00:24:42,920 --> 00:24:45,321 None of them are ready to enter world because I can't do anything. 445 00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:46,846 (PARENTS RACING) 446 00:25:07,960 --> 00:25:10,008 KARL: My God, there has to be one will appear soon. 447 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:12,330 A lot of people around here are pregnant, 448 00:25:12,400 --> 00:25:14,243 but do they understand? I go out on request do they? 449 00:25:16,600 --> 00:25:18,762 I... Well, I won't have children. 450 00:25:19,560 --> 00:25:20,721 - You won't do it? - No. 451 00:25:21,120 --> 00:25:22,246 No, it's not for me. 452 00:25:22,560 --> 00:25:23,561 (MAN SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 453 00:25:23,800 --> 00:25:26,929 He says, "Damn, it's like… Can you do this?" 454 00:25:27,120 --> 00:25:28,281 what do you mean 455 00:25:28,640 --> 00:25:29,641 (MAN SPEAKS IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE) 456 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:32,522 WOMAN IN TRANSLATION: “People have a cycle of life. If you don't reproduce, 457 00:25:32,600 --> 00:25:33,886 "How are you going to..." 458 00:25:33,960 --> 00:25:34,961 But you have them. 459 00:25:35,120 --> 00:25:36,565 You are... you are... You have a child. 460 00:25:38,160 --> 00:25:39,321 KARL: He hugged me before he left. 461 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:42,047 like, “It's going to be fine. You will come to your senses. ” 462 00:25:42,640 --> 00:25:46,804 It's like, who's the mental one here? Is it me or everyone else? 463 00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:55,967 (GROWN) 464 00:25:57,280 --> 00:25:58,406 (Clap claps) 465 00:26:00,640 --> 00:26:02,961 It all started. It's about to start, I think. 466 00:26:03,960 --> 00:26:04,961 I don't know what I'm meant to do. 467 00:26:05,560 --> 00:26:07,642 RICHARD: You have to make sure they are totally clean, Karl. 468 00:26:07,800 --> 00:26:08,847 Yes, I know, I am. 469 00:26:09,360 --> 00:26:11,328 Anyway, I won't be I'm getting so close, aren't I? 470 00:26:12,000 --> 00:26:13,161 I don't put my hands inside. 471 00:26:15,320 --> 00:26:16,845 KARL'. I panic more than the father is. 472 00:26:17,840 --> 00:26:19,922 My heart goes, a little. 473 00:26:20,320 --> 00:26:21,446 I have a little flutter. 474 00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:26,320 This hurts her. She pulls a face. 475 00:26:28,960 --> 00:26:31,770 -(FOREIGN LANGUAGE SPEAKING WOMAN) -(CRYING) 476 00:26:32,720 --> 00:26:35,485 Oh, I don't know about that. I don't know about that. 477 00:26:35,800 --> 00:26:37,928 I don't know. I don't think this is for me. 478 00:26:38,320 --> 00:26:41,164 [I don't know about that. I don't know what to do. 479 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:43,563 She cries this too, I can't handle it. 480 00:26:44,040 --> 00:26:47,249 RICHARD: Just come in, Karl. Karl, go back there and relax her. 481 00:26:47,720 --> 00:26:48,801 (WOMAN CRYING) 482 00:26:59,640 --> 00:27:01,210 KARL: All right. 483 00:27:01,280 --> 00:27:03,009 is it ok now Do I do it right now? 484 00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:06,967 KARL: Okay. 485 00:27:07,840 --> 00:27:08,966 (WOMAN CRYING) 486 00:27:10,880 --> 00:27:13,770 I don't know what to do. I don't know what to do now. 487 00:27:15,600 --> 00:27:16,681 Damn, I need it. 488 00:27:19,320 --> 00:27:20,321 I'm really stressed. 489 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:32,641 KARL: It's quite nice. 490 00:27:33,360 --> 00:27:35,328 Bush flower, emergency essence. 491 00:27:37,960 --> 00:27:39,007 (Expire) 492 00:27:42,200 --> 00:27:46,728 I had kidney stones once and I remember how bad it was. 493 00:27:46,800 --> 00:27:47,961 I don't remember the actual pain. 494 00:27:48,280 --> 00:27:52,410 I've heard from women who have a natural birth and kidney stones 495 00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:54,642 that he would birth a hundred times again 496 00:27:54,720 --> 00:27:57,041 before they have to make kidney stones, because it was horrible. 497 00:27:57,120 --> 00:27:59,282 It was, [say. Agony. Agony. 498 00:27:59,440 --> 00:28:02,011 And I think it's worse for a man, because our tubes are thinner. 499 00:28:02,200 --> 00:28:04,851 WOMAN". Yes, and it has something positive to expect. 500 00:28:04,920 --> 00:28:07,890 -She has a baby at the end. - KARL: Yes. No, I feel better now. 501 00:28:10,200 --> 00:28:12,487 I feel better. It's not as bad as kidney stones. 502 00:28:12,600 --> 00:28:14,250 I told you. [I told you. 503 00:28:15,960 --> 00:28:17,041 I knew. 504 00:28:17,680 --> 00:28:21,526 I damn well knew I had the greatest pain there is. 505 00:28:22,800 --> 00:28:24,325 "Rt. So he didn't go through what I passed through. 506 00:28:25,720 --> 00:28:27,131 I mean, I didn't have anyone rubbing my legs 507 00:28:28,080 --> 00:28:30,082 I remember, Suzanne was watching Jaws 2, 508 00:28:30,640 --> 00:28:32,802 and I was rolling on the floor and she'd say, "Oh, pack it up." 509 00:28:32,920 --> 00:28:36,163 You know, she was using birth thing. "Women give birth all the time." 510 00:28:36,600 --> 00:28:38,364 I said, "This is agony!" 511 00:28:39,520 --> 00:28:42,410 She is right. She has a baby at the end by her. I have nothing to show for it. 512 00:28:44,400 --> 00:28:46,607 I have nothing. I didn't even see the stones. 513 00:28:49,160 --> 00:28:51,686 Come on, good one. (breathing deeply) Continue. 514 00:28:51,760 --> 00:28:52,841 (WOMAN FRIED IN PAIN) 515 00:28:58,800 --> 00:29:00,370 All right. is it beautiful 516 00:29:02,800 --> 00:29:03,881 These are good. 517 00:29:03,960 --> 00:29:05,086 WOMAN: First time for you? 518 00:29:05,360 --> 00:29:06,521 No, I use rubber gloves at home. 519 00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:13,843 Would you like some honey? 520 00:29:13,920 --> 00:29:15,046 Just a little bit. 521 00:29:18,320 --> 00:29:19,401 KARL: That's good. 522 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:26,366 KARL: Yes, it will be outside a quarter past ten and twenty. 523 00:29:31,920 --> 00:29:32,967 (WOMAN CRYING) 524 00:29:41,560 --> 00:29:42,607 RICHARD: Karl? 525 00:29:48,880 --> 00:29:49,961 Has it happened before? 526 00:29:52,080 --> 00:29:54,162 Christ. 527 00:30:00,240 --> 00:30:01,969 What... What happened? 528 00:30:03,320 --> 00:30:04,401 He came out of the bathroom. 529 00:30:19,760 --> 00:30:20,841 (ALL EXCLAIM) 530 00:30:21,240 --> 00:30:22,366 WOMAN: Short string, short string. 531 00:30:25,920 --> 00:30:27,081 That's it then, isn't it? 532 00:30:29,000 --> 00:30:30,001 (crying) 533 00:30:30,080 --> 00:30:31,241 (KARL laughs) 534 00:30:32,880 --> 00:30:34,006 Pretty darn random, isn't it? 535 00:30:34,280 --> 00:30:36,123 (WOMEN SINGING A LOT) 536 00:30:36,320 --> 00:30:37,401 How mental is that? 537 00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,410 It's just weird. 538 00:30:46,480 --> 00:30:47,561 It's really weird. 539 00:30:48,800 --> 00:30:50,211 So... That's what I would say. 540 00:30:50,680 --> 00:30:53,286 I wouldn't say life cycle and all that. i would go 541 00:30:53,480 --> 00:30:55,562 “Listen, get ready for this. It's so damn weird. 542 00:30:55,640 --> 00:30:57,085 - Don't miss the head that comes out. 543 00:30:57,840 --> 00:30:59,808 Because it was just the head hanging out. 544 00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:01,441 The child does not make any noise. 545 00:31:01,520 --> 00:31:04,524 So he sat there as he did i have a weird kind of polo neck. 546 00:31:04,800 --> 00:31:07,531 He was sitting there like that. It's really weird. 547 00:31:09,800 --> 00:31:10,961 God. 548 00:31:12,360 --> 00:31:15,887 Yes, that's right. (SNAPS) All this mess. 549 00:31:17,680 --> 00:31:19,967 I cannot be entirely worthy of it. 550 00:31:20,040 --> 00:31:21,610 Because I don't think I can it works like this. 551 00:31:22,960 --> 00:31:24,769 I know I swear a lot, and I wish I hadn't. 552 00:31:25,120 --> 00:31:26,724 But it is made for moments like this. 553 00:31:27,120 --> 00:31:29,168 I'm surprised I didn't say it out loud when the head was there. 554 00:31:29,800 --> 00:31:32,451 This is the maximum time to go, - Fuck me! 555 00:31:33,440 --> 00:31:35,966 I have no other words, That about sums it up for me. 556 00:31:36,400 --> 00:31:37,561 "What the hell is going on?" 557 00:31:38,240 --> 00:31:39,287 That's what I wanted to do. 558 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:41,841 “Damn it, damn it! 559 00:31:42,320 --> 00:31:43,446 He was one of them. 560 00:32:13,480 --> 00:32:14,561 RICHARD: You saw the birth now. 561 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:17,569 Have you changed your mind at all? 562 00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:18,687 KARL: No. 563 00:32:19,280 --> 00:32:21,442 You know, this is just a small part, isn't it? 564 00:32:22,000 --> 00:32:24,526 To have. It was all very interesting, but 565 00:32:24,600 --> 00:32:26,682 it's the rest of the time you have to spend with the baby, right? 566 00:32:27,600 --> 00:32:30,206 It's a lot different from when I was he was a child as he is now. 567 00:32:31,280 --> 00:32:32,645 I was kind of relieved in the morning. 568 00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:36,450 Door open, sent out. Like some kind of cat or dog. 569 00:32:36,800 --> 00:32:38,564 That was it. I didn't come back until it got dark. 570 00:32:40,120 --> 00:32:42,202 You can't do the same now, for some reason. 571 00:32:42,480 --> 00:32:44,847 You can't just throw a kid out and not to wonder where it is. 572 00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:46,081 You have to be with them all the time. 573 00:32:47,280 --> 00:32:48,884 We create gentler people. 574 00:32:49,920 --> 00:32:51,649 Kids have to do something knock them on the head a little. 575 00:32:52,200 --> 00:32:53,611 And yet they are not allowed these days. 576 00:32:54,120 --> 00:32:55,645 Years ago, you had accidents. 577 00:32:56,040 --> 00:32:58,088 You know, you had kids with pans stuck on their head. 578 00:32:58,520 --> 00:32:59,567 In A&E. 579 00:32:59,760 --> 00:33:00,807 Never see this again. 580 00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:07,804 We're going to see some sea gypsies. 581 00:33:08,160 --> 00:33:12,051 as a community of people who have children, lions run for them for free. 582 00:33:12,120 --> 00:33:15,203 And they lived like this for hundreds for years and it wasn't a problem. 583 00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:18,011 And I just want to see if that it would make a difference, indeed. 584 00:33:19,000 --> 00:33:21,241 They are like lemmings! 585 00:33:22,400 --> 00:33:24,721 Do you think they'll ever have a pair of socks? 586 00:33:24,800 --> 00:33:25,881 Because you would never wear them, would you like 587 00:33:27,360 --> 00:33:29,931 That's the one thing I'd miss if I lived there. I like putting on socks. 588 00:33:30,720 --> 00:33:33,644 When you had a hath or something. Nothing, is it? 589 00:33:36,320 --> 00:33:39,927 Annoying her. Every time I come to somewhere like this annoys her. 590 00:33:40,000 --> 00:33:41,001 (CHILDREN SALUTING AND LAUGHING) 591 00:33:41,200 --> 00:33:43,441 KARL: Hello. How do I get up here then? 592 00:33:48,080 --> 00:33:49,241 (CHILDREN IN THE FRAME) 593 00:33:50,000 --> 00:33:51,001 Okay then. 594 00:33:52,600 --> 00:33:54,364 Rubbish of the weather, isn't it? 595 00:33:59,520 --> 00:34:02,330 I mean, I don't really understand where the parents are here. 596 00:34:02,440 --> 00:34:03,521 Because there are only children everywhere. 597 00:34:04,040 --> 00:34:06,168 It's like Annie the musical, or something. 598 00:34:06,360 --> 00:34:07,930 Everywhere you look, there are children running around. 599 00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,160 But they seem happy. 600 00:34:11,200 --> 00:34:14,807 There are suspicious tools around everywhere. Hammers, knives. 601 00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:18,130 They don't worry health and safety here. 602 00:34:18,840 --> 00:34:20,490 We worry too much now. 603 00:34:20,640 --> 00:34:22,369 I bet nobody here is allergic to wheat. 604 00:34:22,560 --> 00:34:25,006 I bet nobody here can drink a peanut because they have a big head. 605 00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:27,166 We created all this shit. 606 00:34:28,440 --> 00:34:29,965 I think I complicated things. 607 00:34:30,440 --> 00:34:31,441 Humpty Dumpty. 608 00:34:31,720 --> 00:34:34,929 When I was a kid it was Humpty Dumpty fell off a wall, cracked his head, 609 00:34:35,240 --> 00:34:38,050 The horses of the kings came, they could not repair l. That... That was the warehouse. 610 00:34:38,520 --> 00:34:39,760 Most recently, they updated it. 611 00:34:40,160 --> 00:34:44,404 It's all about, was he pushed? He did autumn? Was there a crime? 612 00:34:44,880 --> 00:34:46,962 Judges are involved. Lawyers. 613 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:49,408 The jury. honest to god I'm not making it up. 614 00:34:49,840 --> 00:34:52,241 It's like a long story now. To train... 615 00:34:52,760 --> 00:34:55,081 It used to be just about an egg, falling off a wall. 616 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,681 Now it's, “Wait, how did that happen? Who did it?" 617 00:35:00,120 --> 00:35:02,361 Ooh. Good pass. 618 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:05,127 Jesus. 619 00:35:05,280 --> 00:35:06,441 Bloody Total cancellation. 620 00:35:10,840 --> 00:35:11,921 What is this for? 621 00:35:12,880 --> 00:35:14,484 what is it You know what they are really put me here? 622 00:35:14,560 --> 00:35:16,369 Because there is a child there. He looks like baby shit. 623 00:35:17,480 --> 00:35:19,164 I don't even know what this is, There is a lot of trust there. 624 00:35:19,240 --> 00:35:20,810 I trust eight-year-olds. 625 00:35:21,360 --> 00:35:24,409 It could be emulsion, it could be glossy. I don't know what they are doing here. 626 00:35:25,000 --> 00:35:26,126 Then it's a tanning lotion. 627 00:35:30,000 --> 00:35:32,002 BOY: Fish. KARL: Fish? Shall we go fishing? 628 00:35:32,600 --> 00:35:33,681 Yes? me and you 629 00:35:37,920 --> 00:35:38,921 Oh shit. 630 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:40,601 Oh shit. 631 00:35:40,880 --> 00:35:43,167 What an absolute hustle this is. 632 00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,247 Wait, wait, wait. Let me make an idea about it. 633 00:35:47,360 --> 00:35:50,921 The bloody last of The Summer Mae, isn't that right? it should be in a bathroom. 634 00:35:55,640 --> 00:35:58,405 Your father is out. I thought your father was staying with us? 635 00:35:58,560 --> 00:35:59,641 where are we going 636 00:35:59,720 --> 00:36:00,801 There? 637 00:36:01,560 --> 00:36:03,528 That's it. Perfect. 638 00:36:04,720 --> 00:36:05,767 That's it. 639 00:36:06,400 --> 00:36:07,447 Take your time. 640 00:36:10,240 --> 00:36:11,321 There you 641 00:36:11,760 --> 00:36:12,841 Careful. 642 00:36:13,200 --> 00:36:15,965 RICHARD: Karl? why are you let the kids do everything? 643 00:36:16,480 --> 00:36:17,641 They know what they are doing. 644 00:36:19,280 --> 00:36:20,566 They live here. They know what they are doing. 645 00:36:20,640 --> 00:36:21,971 I don't know what I'm doing. 646 00:36:22,040 --> 00:36:23,530 - They only have eight! - I'm a guest. 647 00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:26,881 If they get tired, I take over, but i'm fine with that. 648 00:36:27,680 --> 00:36:29,523 I'll just watch. The best way to learn. 649 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:30,761 Just watch and observe. 650 00:36:40,400 --> 00:36:42,607 He already got one! That was quick, wasn't it? 651 00:36:43,600 --> 00:36:44,681 Did he bring this with him? 652 00:36:46,400 --> 00:36:47,526 That's good. 653 00:36:49,240 --> 00:36:50,321 RICHARD: You don't get involved? 654 00:36:51,160 --> 00:36:52,924 KARL: I'm happier here, just taking care of the boat. 655 00:36:53,200 --> 00:36:54,281 This is my little job. 656 00:36:55,640 --> 00:36:56,766 I keep an eye on things. 657 00:36:57,200 --> 00:36:58,247 They threw a few in here. 658 00:36:58,360 --> 00:37:00,283 Just keep an eye on these, so as not to escape. 659 00:37:02,280 --> 00:37:03,281 For some reason, at home, 660 00:37:03,360 --> 00:37:06,011 everybody thinks you're bad if you give a child a job to do. 661 00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:09,251 They call Childline to ask them to put the kettle on 662 00:37:09,800 --> 00:37:10,926 I can't make them do anything. 663 00:37:11,920 --> 00:37:13,081 Lazy shit at home. 664 00:37:13,720 --> 00:37:15,927 If they helped around the house and everything, 665 00:37:16,000 --> 00:37:17,570 at least there is a reason to have them. 666 00:37:18,080 --> 00:37:21,050 You pay for them. I have to buy them clothes, give them food. 667 00:37:21,280 --> 00:37:22,361 What do I give back? 668 00:37:24,120 --> 00:37:26,168 At least these helps them get the food. 669 00:37:27,200 --> 00:37:28,326 Only eight. 670 00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:33,002 If! I had children and I could use them as that, put them out to work, to help, 671 00:37:33,800 --> 00:37:36,007 Honestly, Pd consider. 672 00:37:39,080 --> 00:37:40,127 Have they come up for air since then? 673 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:45,561 Hello? 674 00:37:56,760 --> 00:37:59,570 KARL: I mean, he was fine with Sea gypsies, but you know, 675 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,081 there were many children, weren't there? 676 00:38:02,160 --> 00:38:03,286 I'm glad to escape. 677 00:38:04,400 --> 00:38:06,448 RICHARD: I thought so you might have changed your mind. 678 00:38:06,520 --> 00:38:07,521 KARL: You're laughing, aren't you? 679 00:38:07,960 --> 00:38:11,282 Well, I'll tell you what he confirmed, for me, that I didn't want a child. 680 00:38:12,120 --> 00:38:13,884 She was in Bali, babysitting. 681 00:38:14,440 --> 00:38:15,487 That was it. 682 00:38:15,880 --> 00:38:19,407 That hour I had with that child, that was it. 683 00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:22,209 But from that came an idea. 684 00:38:22,800 --> 00:38:26,282 When you think about how important it is to make the decision to have a child, 685 00:38:26,400 --> 00:38:29,165 and yet many people fall into it totally blind 686 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,362 They didn't even stop at one child. 687 00:38:31,800 --> 00:38:33,962 But no one ever is just thought of 688 00:38:34,040 --> 00:38:36,168 letting you have a trial period with a child. 689 00:38:36,440 --> 00:38:38,044 And that's why we're in LA. 690 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,404 It's full of actors too, isn't it? 691 00:38:41,120 --> 00:38:42,201 So that's my point. 692 00:38:42,880 --> 00:38:46,407 Using actors to act as children. 693 00:38:59,720 --> 00:39:01,131 Joe? how are you 694 00:39:01,200 --> 00:39:02,247 Hey. Hello. 695 00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:03,810 - I'm glad to see you. - Hello! how are you 696 00:39:04,000 --> 00:39:05,570 KARL: You know Little Job Do I have for you? 697 00:39:05,640 --> 00:39:06,801 JOE: Yes, sir. yes sir DAVE: Yes. Yes. 698 00:39:06,880 --> 00:39:10,407 KARL: I'm going to a couple's house, and you I simply have to act 699 00:39:10,520 --> 00:39:12,841 like, kind of five, six year olds. 700 00:39:13,040 --> 00:39:14,485 - It doesn't go over your head. - DAVE: Right. 701 00:39:14,600 --> 00:39:15,965 - Don't destroy the place. - DAVE: Right. 702 00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:19,562 But you yourselves have children, so imagine what your kids did 703 00:39:19,640 --> 00:39:21,369 - when they were that age. - Yes. 704 00:39:21,720 --> 00:39:23,643 We. Right. KARL'. Sammy will be your father, 705 00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:25,643 and Megan will be your mother for the night. 706 00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:26,767 DAVE: Sounds good. 707 00:39:26,840 --> 00:39:28,490 KARL: I want it to be kind of experience it properly. 708 00:39:28,560 --> 00:39:29,607 us. Correct. 709 00:39:29,680 --> 00:39:31,011 "Rt. And to the end, I can they decide 710 00:39:31,080 --> 00:39:32,650 whether they want a child or not. 711 00:39:33,080 --> 00:39:34,161 You see, look at this. 712 00:39:34,280 --> 00:39:36,681 Watch out for the dangerous. They left the door open. 713 00:39:36,760 --> 00:39:38,808 So you could have easily got it there and was run over. 714 00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:40,007 Stupid. 715 00:39:40,560 --> 00:39:42,050 - This is Joe. - Pleased to meet you. 716 00:39:42,360 --> 00:39:44,362 And he is six years old. 717 00:39:44,440 --> 00:39:45,441 This is Dave, five years old. 718 00:39:46,040 --> 00:39:48,202 KARL: just treat them like, you know, they were yours. 719 00:39:48,440 --> 00:39:52,968 You're responsible for... You know, you did I have to remember that these are five and six. 720 00:39:53,320 --> 00:39:56,290 So, uh, just take care of them and see how you do. 721 00:39:57,440 --> 00:39:58,441 (Breath Recorder) 722 00:39:59,840 --> 00:40:02,764 They seem like a happy couple to have a fairly decent life. 723 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,845 You know, there are pictures of them all over the wall. 724 00:40:05,640 --> 00:40:06,721 Doing things together. 725 00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,691 Having good times, cut and around, looking quite healthy. 726 00:40:09,760 --> 00:40:11,125 Looks like they had a good sleep. 727 00:40:11,520 --> 00:40:12,567 All this will change. 728 00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:14,441 MEGAN: David. 729 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:15,961 (Breath Recorder) 730 00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:18,006 MEGAN: David! 731 00:40:19,680 --> 00:40:22,650 They knew children would come. And yet they had all the windows open. 732 00:40:23,400 --> 00:40:25,528 It's like they didn't even think about this. They can go out. 733 00:40:25,760 --> 00:40:28,366 It's almost like it's been used window sill as a naughty step. 734 00:40:28,720 --> 00:40:29,881 SAMMY: Okay, that's enough. 735 00:40:30,040 --> 00:40:32,202 Daddy, it's so high up here. It's fun, come on. 736 00:40:32,280 --> 00:40:34,442 I know, but it's dangerous and you can't stay there. 737 00:40:34,640 --> 00:40:36,608 KARL'. I don't think it took that long before one of them found 738 00:40:36,680 --> 00:40:39,729 a bottle of bleach or something under the kitchen sink. 739 00:40:40,080 --> 00:40:41,241 MEGAN: Oh! 740 00:40:43,400 --> 00:40:44,401 DAVE: Wow! 741 00:40:45,760 --> 00:40:46,761 SAMMY: Have you had anything to drink? 742 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:48,569 MEGAN: It's not okay. Where did you find this? 743 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:49,766 JOE: There! 744 00:40:50,600 --> 00:40:52,602 KARL: I'm sure there are many kindness when you have a child. 745 00:40:52,800 --> 00:40:53,881 I'm going to sit in the car! 746 00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:56,129 KARL: There's a lot of gay people which I bring. 747 00:40:56,320 --> 00:40:59,961 It's the portions of shit. That's what I wanted them to experience it. 748 00:41:00,080 --> 00:41:02,321 Going to a supermarket, this should be quick and easy. 749 00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:04,689 It's not when you have kids. 750 00:41:05,040 --> 00:41:06,201 JOE: Oh! MEGAN: Put it back. 751 00:41:06,440 --> 00:41:08,124 SAMMY: Stop it! JOE: Oh, my... 752 00:41:08,440 --> 00:41:09,566 MEGAN: Put the cookies back, please. 753 00:41:09,800 --> 00:41:10,801 (GRUNTING) 754 00:41:11,000 --> 00:41:12,001 MEGAN: Not that one. 755 00:41:12,320 --> 00:41:13,367 Put that one back. 756 00:41:13,440 --> 00:41:15,044 I'm super hungry. 757 00:41:15,840 --> 00:41:16,887 MEGAN: How about... Oh! 758 00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:20,889 KARL: It was like one of these shopping stuff 759 00:41:20,960 --> 00:41:23,440 as they used to do with Dale Winton, Supermarket Sweep. 760 00:41:23,920 --> 00:41:25,649 just trying to get it done as fast as I can. 761 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,730 Because every time they came back, You know, Dave was running around, 762 00:41:28,800 --> 00:41:29,847 or Joe ran like that. 763 00:41:29,920 --> 00:41:31,081 It's like throwing away a bag of Maltesers, 764 00:41:31,240 --> 00:41:32,401 You don't know which one to pick up. 765 00:41:32,600 --> 00:41:33,681 what's going on 766 00:41:33,840 --> 00:41:34,887 Hey, can we have pancakes? 767 00:41:35,120 --> 00:41:36,201 (CHEW PLAYS) 768 00:41:36,320 --> 00:41:37,731 JOE: Dave! what are you doing 769 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:38,961 mommy! 770 00:41:39,040 --> 00:41:40,087 SAMMY: Okay, exhale. MEGAN: Do you eat chips? 771 00:41:40,160 --> 00:41:41,207 JOE: Eat chips! 772 00:41:41,440 --> 00:41:42,487 MEGAN: No dessert for you. 773 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:43,721 JOE: I'm sorry. 774 00:41:43,840 --> 00:41:44,921 Yahoo yes. 775 00:41:45,440 --> 00:41:48,967 KARL: This is the main thing the difference is for him for them. 776 00:41:49,320 --> 00:41:51,243 Suddenly you will have this new thing in your life. 777 00:41:51,560 --> 00:41:55,360 You know, this is not Amazon, where you can say "I'm not satisfied with the product", 778 00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:56,680 and put it back in the post. 779 00:41:56,760 --> 00:41:57,761 That's it. You got it. 780 00:41:58,480 --> 00:41:59,527 JOE: Play catch. 781 00:41:59,600 --> 00:42:01,284 - No, it's bedtime. - SAMMY: No, it's bedtime. 782 00:42:01,720 --> 00:42:02,846 And mommy and daddy have to go to bed. 783 00:42:02,920 --> 00:42:04,046 JOE: I thought we'd all play! 784 00:42:04,520 --> 00:42:05,681 Not. Maybe tomorrow morning. 785 00:42:06,760 --> 00:42:09,684 "Through the meadow they went, on the road, over the bridge, 786 00:42:09,840 --> 00:42:14,209 "Over the green grass, and up the hill, one after another." 787 00:42:18,560 --> 00:42:19,766 JOE: Mom, Dad? 788 00:42:20,080 --> 00:42:21,241 David wakes up! 789 00:42:21,680 --> 00:42:22,761 SAMMY: Wait. 790 00:42:23,280 --> 00:42:28,161 MEGAN: I think you should hang up your eyes and, uh, think of, urn, 791 00:42:28,520 --> 00:42:30,090 what do you want to do tomorrow 792 00:42:30,680 --> 00:42:36,323 - Uh-huh. - And go back to sleep. 793 00:42:37,480 --> 00:42:38,561 SAMMY: Please go back to sleep. 794 00:42:44,120 --> 00:42:45,246 KARL: How was it? 795 00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:47,409 MEGAN: Exhausting. Sincere. SAMMY: Yeah, it was tiring. 796 00:42:47,520 --> 00:42:49,045 Today I am beaten. 797 00:42:50,440 --> 00:42:55,765 It's just an extra set of hands which you must pay attention to. 798 00:42:56,120 --> 00:42:57,281 They go into everything. 799 00:42:57,640 --> 00:43:00,962 So the big question is, you know, you had some experience 800 00:43:01,600 --> 00:43:04,570 did it change your mind in any way? 801 00:43:04,880 --> 00:43:06,006 - MEGAN: Yes. - Ha! 802 00:43:06,320 --> 00:43:08,687 SAMMY: Maybe last night at about 2:30 he did. 803 00:43:09,040 --> 00:43:10,121 KARL: What, they woke up, didn't they? 804 00:43:10,200 --> 00:43:12,521 SAMMY: Yeah, yeah. I woke up and... 805 00:43:12,600 --> 00:43:14,364 MEGAN: One of them he had a bad dream. 806 00:43:14,800 --> 00:43:16,404 SAMMY: So that discourages me. 807 00:43:16,480 --> 00:43:17,845 MEGAN: So I think we still want them, 808 00:43:17,920 --> 00:43:20,730 but we are still happy two of us. 809 00:43:22,080 --> 00:43:23,161 For right now. 810 00:43:24,000 --> 00:43:27,083 I don't want to have children until I can afford to get a babysitter or babysitter. 811 00:43:27,160 --> 00:43:29,242 So, if we have to go shopping or something... 812 00:43:29,400 --> 00:43:31,289 Yes, that's fine then. 813 00:43:31,800 --> 00:43:34,007 - Okay, brilliant. - Definitely a learning experience. 814 00:43:34,400 --> 00:43:35,970 Well, if you do, good luck with everything. 815 00:43:36,040 --> 00:43:37,690 - Thank you. - Nice to meet you, Karl. 816 00:43:37,760 --> 00:43:38,921 Okay, good luck. 817 00:43:39,200 --> 00:43:40,326 Take care of yourself. 818 00:43:40,520 --> 00:43:41,567 PA. guys! 819 00:43:41,800 --> 00:43:42,881 - Bye! - Bye! 820 00:43:43,480 --> 00:43:44,481 KARL: It was all right, wasn't it? 821 00:43:44,560 --> 00:43:45,607 DAVE: Yes. JOE: Yeah. 822 00:43:45,680 --> 00:43:46,727 KARL: A little job. 823 00:43:47,160 --> 00:43:50,004 It is a new line of work for you, this, isn't it? Now that you did? 824 00:43:50,080 --> 00:43:51,161 DAVE: Yes. I think it's a great idea. 825 00:43:51,240 --> 00:43:53,402 And they were talking about saying their friends too, so I take the word for it 826 00:43:53,720 --> 00:43:54,846 you know, it definitely works to go out 827 00:43:55,400 --> 00:43:58,006 KARL: Off the fence and that, but you put me off having children. 828 00:43:58,440 --> 00:43:59,726 Just to take care of you a little bit. 829 00:44:00,305 --> 00:45:00,617 OpenSubtitles.org AP will stop working soon, but not for VIP members -> osdb.link/vip